Getting to Know Myself

I knew that the best chance of making friends in college would come from finding ‘my people’. Walking back to my dorm one day, I saw a flyer promoting the Student Fashion Association. I was eager to join but filled with anxiety about everything that could possibly go wrong. I went to the first meeting of the school year and got to hear about the annual field experience trip they take as a club.

That year was the New York trip. Fast forward to the next quarter when I was able to go on the trip with the club! I didn’t know anyone and felt like a complete outsider. I was the only freshman felt like the only one who didn’t know anybody else.

As we got to the city and I heard everyone discussing what they were going to do that night, I began to get a pit in my stomach and a heavy heart. The irrational thoughts I had been having all school year filled my mind once again. I was going to be alone the whole trip. This is not going how I thought, and this is going to be a rough experience.

Coming into college, I had the idea in my head that I imagine most freshman have. ‘I am going to have so many new friends.’ As it turns out I did not make a bunch of friends and spent a good amount of time by myself in my dorm.

The tasks of being vulnerable and approaching new people was terrifying. At the time my mental health was depleting rapidly and the thoughts of leaving school started to fill my head. I was having so many internal battles that were telling me I was doing college wrong.

I wasn’t making friends, I didn’t like my roommate and putting myself out there felt like an impossible task. Once I made the decision to take it one day at a time and realized that I should not compare my experience to everyone else’s I was able to look at my small victories with pride.

Once the club trip got going, we were constantly being split into smaller groups. By the third day I had been able to observe what most people’s personalities were like to determine who I thought I would gel with. This is when I met Shyanne and Angela.

They were going off in a group just the two of them and I decided to try and tag along. This was one of the best decisions I have ever made. We spent the whole day getting to know each other and boding over similar interests. As I begin my Senior year of college, I know that this experience shaped me in ways that I was not aware of at the time. Next year Shyanne and Angela will both be in my wedding. Through this experience and my transition to college I have learned to have patience with myself. We are not all on the same timeline or path and good things come to those who wait.